There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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