The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
