I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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