Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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