Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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