I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
