i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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