I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
