i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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