I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
