need another drink. this is the easiest way
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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