I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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