I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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