I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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