ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
