Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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