she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
