Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
