Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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