sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My vagina is officially offended.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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