Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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