the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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