I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
