i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
