The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got inside last night via doggy door
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
