If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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