Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
