Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
