he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
