He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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