please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
