just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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