His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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