Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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