meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
