You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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