u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
