I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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