I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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