i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
