the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
