im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize