i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
