Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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