so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We need to get me chipped asap
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
