he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
