I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
