One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
