I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
