Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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