Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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