We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
