Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
