I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
