I'm really into asian looking animals
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
