My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
