meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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