my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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