Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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