Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
