I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
