I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
