another moral hangover. fuck.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
