OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
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